understanding PERFECTIONISM
You’re driven, capable, and used to being the one who gets things done — at work, at home, and in every space you occupy. People see you as strong, steady, and put-together. But privately, you may be exhausted by the pressure to keep performing, keep proving, and keep holding everything together.
That pressure often comes from an old internal story:
“If I’m perfect, I’ll be safe. If I’m flawless, I’ll be loved.”
Perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk — it’s a protective attachment strategy your nervous system developed long before you had words for it. Over time, the standards get higher, the critic gets louder, and the fear of letting someone down can become overwhelming.
In therapy, we slow down that cycle. Using ACT, EFT, and relational, attachment-focused work, I help you reconnect with the parts of you that have been working overtime to avoid shame or disconnection. You’ll learn to create emotional safety, respond to yourself with compassion, and move through life with more flexibility and less fear.
This is not about giving up your ambition — it’s about unhooking your identity from perfection so you can excel without burning out. It’s about cultivating a life where rest doesn’t feel dangerous, mistakes don’t feel catastrophic, and connection isn’t something you have to earn through performance.
If you’re ready to feel grounded, steady, and human again — not just high-achieving — you’re in the right place.
COMMON FEATURES
-
You may have a to-do list that keeps growing, but instead of tackling tasks head-on, you find yourself constantly putting them off. It's not because you're lazy or unmotivated, but rather because you're paralyzed by the fear of not doing things perfectly.
-
You're so afraid of making a mistake, of choosing the wrong path, that you'd rather not choose at all. You meticulously weigh every option, agonizing over the potential outcomes, but in the end, you remain stuck in a state of indecision, unable to move forward.
-
It may feel like nothing you do is ever quite good enough. You may set these unattainable standards for yourself and then berate yourself mercilessly when you inevitably fall short. It might be that nagging voice in your head telling you that you're not smart enough, not talented enough, not worthy enough. It might be those relentless comparisons to others, always finding yourself lacking in some way.
-
You may believe that if others were to see your true self—the one behind the facade of perfection—they would reject or criticize you. As a result, you devote significant time and energy to maintaining a flawless image, even if it means sacrificing authenticity or genuine connection with others.
-
You may be often caught up in a world of "shoulds" and "musts" or rigid rules. You might become preoccupied with doing things "the right way," even if it means sacrificing efficiency or creativity in the process. you may try to control or avoid experiencing certain emotions, particularly those perceived as negative or uncomfortable. You might go to great lengths to avoid situations or people that trigger uncomfortable emotions, even if it means sacrificing your own needs or desires. You might bury yourself in work or other distractions to escape from feelings of inadequacy or failure.
-
The fear of losing control over one's body, of experiencing something perceived as unpleasant or "imperfect," can be overwhelming. You might feel compelled to maintain strict routines or behaviors in an attempt to ward off any potential threats to your health. You might meticulously monitor your diet, hygiene practices, or environmental exposures. Commonly associated with emetophobia.
-
You may have obsessive thoughts and behaviors surrounding healthy eating and body image. This may lead to labeling food as "good or bad" or requiring yourself to exercise at a certain intensity "no matter what."
-
For someone with perfectionistic tendencies, the pursuit of frugality can become an all-consuming obsession. You might meticulously research prices, compare deals, and meticulously budget every dollar. Hoarding tendencies may stem from a fear of letting go of things that might be needed or useful in the future. You might meticulously organize and store your belongings, reluctant to part with anything for fear of making a mistake or losing something valuable.
my APPROACH
-
Trying to control our thoughts and feelings often leads to more suffering. By embracing thoughts and emotions without the need to alter or avoid them, we enhance self-awareness and nurture self-acceptance, easing the burden of guilt and shame.
-
Perfectionism often leads to a relentless pursuit of external validation and unattainable standards. However, when we align our actions with our deeply held values, we create a greater sense of authenticity and self-awareness. By clarifying your values, you gain insight into what drives you and what brings true satisfaction and fulfillment.
-
The relentless cycle of self-doubt and comparison to others can deeply affect our mental and emotional well-being. Through self-compassion practices, we reshape our relationship with ourselves, fostering a kinder and more supportive inner dialogue. Even changing your self-talk and speaking to yourself like you would a friend can help.
-
The pursuit of perfection often leads to fear of making mistakes and falling short of unrealistic standards, ultimately hindering progress. In therapy, we work to redefine these standards and goals, crafting realistic and achievable ones that promote growth and fulfillment.
-
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic can feel risky when it means exposing your imperfections or admitting your struggles. Understanding that vulnerability is not a weakness, but rather a strength that fosters deeper connections with others, promotes personal growth.
-
By cultivating more realistic and flexible thinking patterns, we pave the way for profound emotional transformation and empowered action. This may include challenging rigid beliefs about what it means to be perfect and recognizing the negative impact that perfectionism has on your well-being. We will question the validity of thoughts and beliefs that reinforce the idea that you must be flawless to be worthy of love, acceptance, or success.
perfectionism KEEPS YOU PERFORMING
and quietly PUNISHES YOU WHEN YOU SLIP
You deserve a life where your ambition can thrive without costing your self-worth. When you soften the inner critic and embrace the messiness of being human, “good enough” stops feeling like failure and starts feeling like relief.
let’s EMBRACE UNCERTAINTY TOGETHER
Reach out to me below to request an appointment or for more information.